On a rainy Monday afternoon, I ventured out to try one of Scandinavia’s time honored traditions. It involves subjecting one’s body to alternating bouts of insane heat followed by freezing cold, and when the breath has had a chance to catch up, repeat, taking in a pint of beer for good measure. The Scandinavians call it a Sauna. The rest of the world calls them nuts.

Legend has it that the Viking invaders invented the Sauna as a method of torture to weaken the prisoners of war till they cracked and revealed their secrets. As it turned out, not only did no secrets get revealed, but the prisoners of war developed really healthy skin and began to outlive their captors.  It was then that the health benefits of the Sauna were discovered and now the Scandinavians freely visit these torture chambers without any prodding from the sharp horns of a Viking helmet.

Another legend has it that Vinay is prone to making up completely false historical tales when having to wait at an airport for a flight that’s delayed over 5 hours. If this was the USofA, there’d at least be a few indignant travelers making hrrmphh noises and demanding something free, like hand towels. But the Europeans are completely complacent to let nature swindle them of their time, resorting to quietly reading books or chatting with their fellow travelers. But I digress…

Back to that rainy Monday afternoon. I made my way up to the Kotiharjun Sauna, recommended by a couple kind Helsinki residents, as well as TripAdvisor. At the entrance I found what is part of the tradition:

It’s always happy hour at your local Finnish Sauna

A bunch of Finnish men casually sitting on the wall outside the building, clad only in towels, drinking beer, not minding the rain or the cold, and casually chatting with one another. Gentle waves of steam wafted off their bodies into the cold air. I clutched my sweater tight around me and, shuddering, walked into a quaint wooden reception area.

The Kotiharjun Sauna is supposedly one of the oldest wood burning Saunas in Finland. There are 2 Saunas, one for the men and one the women. Once inside the men’s Sauna, the first thing to get used to is the nudity. Bits and pieces dingle and dangle in full display as the Finns very casually walk around, chat and play cards. The place is divided into 2 rooms. The actual Sauna, and the shower room. The Sauna itself has a huge oven that heats the room, and the shower room is to cool off in between the Sauna visits.

Entering the Sauna, there was a little temperature dial that read 120. ^oC? F? Having driven through Death Valley in the heights of summer, I was familiar with 120F, and this definitely seemed hotter. But 120 ^oC is above the boiling point of water! Later on the Finns would assure me that it was Celsius. “It’s not the heat”, they lecture you, “it’s the humidity”. I would soon find that out.

A small side note about Finnish social behavior: The Finns have a self-given reputation of being a reserved people. In my few days there, I personally did not find this to be true. Every person I talked to was eager to have a conversation. Every person I talked to was also eager to distinguish himself or herself as ‘not a typical Finn, who you will find is reserved’. It seemed that everyone seemed to perceive every other Finn as reserved, except themselves. It’s almost like a conversational deluge just waiting to happen the moment the first person breaks the ice, metaphorically speaking.

Given this perception, a Finnish friend once told me “Normally, you will find us a cold and unapproachable people, but get us naked and put us in a hot room, and we will happily talk to you!” This I definitely found to be true! Walking into the Sauna, the men there were all engaged in animated conversation, seemingly oblivious to the insane temperatures that prevailed. Barely had I taken a seat when the person sitting next to me started a friendly chat with me as well. I soon learned that this Sauna was over 80 years old, but while the Tourists consider this the top Sauna in Helsinki, the real ‘Sauna Elite’ have a ‘Sauna old boys club’ an actual club that costs a lot to get into, need recommendations to be invited in, and has much much better Saunas. Hierarchy can be found anywhere! The only difference between the Sauna OBC (Old Boy’s Club) and your regular OBC was that the Sauna OBC didn’t have a dinner lounge or social events, as the simple act of sitting naked in the Sauna was the social event. Images of middle aged men planning world domination whilst naked and sweating in a darkly lit oven started to run through my mind. After shuddering it off not quickly enough, I came upon the next ritual in a Sauna.

Every other person that walks in or out of the Sauna, makes an offer to the rest of the room to splash more water on the oven rocks if the current residents want. This, I realized, is when the ‘It’s not the heat, it’s the humidity’ adage shows its true colors. No sooner than the water hit the rocks and sizzled off into the atmosphere than the temperature seemed to sky rocket. My ears started to burn, my eyes couldn’t stay open, and I quickly made my first exit from the Sauna.

Then come the shower room, where I poured cold water all over yourself. Following this, I joined the rest of the Finns sitting outside, clad in a towel, beverage in hand. Now I realized how easy it was. After the crazy hot oven, the cold afternoon air was a welcome respite! So in essence, this is the ritual in a Sauna:

Steps to enjoying a Sauna

1. Walk in, strip naked. Greet fellow Finns.
2. Walk into oven room. Spread tiny towel on the wooden bench, carefully sit.
3. Engage in casual conversation with fellow naked Sauna go-ers.
4. When about to die, get up, walk straight out into…
5. Cold showers (or, if winter, jump into snow outside). Shock body with near freezing temperatures
6. When about to die, walk straight back to step (2), and repeat till you feel you have had your money’s worth.

As for me, I did about 5 cycles, before I felt truly Finnish, and finished. Thereupon I left to top off the evening with a hearty meal of Reindeer burger. Replete with a shiny red nose on top… (just kidding about the nose, but it was prancing about a bit).

Useful Finnish Phrases to know in a Sauna:

“On täällä kuuma vai onko se vain minä?” – Is it hot in here or is it just me?

“Käyhän että tuon kannettavani sauna an?” – Is it OK if I bring my laptop into the sauna?